Little Johnny No Respect

What Little Johnny's Classroom Looks Like

Teachers who cannot keep students involved and excited for several hours in the classroom should not be there. John Roueche  Not in today's classroom!

Subject:  How to get to Heaven from Scotland

 

I was testing children in my Glasgow Sunday  School class to see  if they understood the  Concept of getting into heaven. I asked them,  "If I sold my house and my  Car, had a big jumble sale and gave all my  Money to the church, would that get me   Into heaven?" "NO!" the  children answered. "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed  The garden and kept everything tidy, would  That get me into  heaven?" Again, the  answer was 'No!'    By now I was starting to smile. "Well, then,  if I was kind to animals and  Gave sweeties to all the children, and  Loved my husband,  would that get me  Into  heaven?" Again, they all answered 'No!'   I was just bursting with pride for them.    I continued, "Then how can I get into  heaven?"                                                          Little Johnny shouted,     "Yuv got tae be dead" Kinda brings a wee tear tae your  eye...

Little Johnny and the Royal Wedding

Little Johnny and his mother were two of the lucky few who were invited to the Royal Wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton.

Attending a wedding for the first time, Little Johnny whispered to his mother,
‘Why is the Kate Middleton dressed in white?”
The mother replied, ‘Because white is the colour of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life.’

Little Johnny thought about this for a moment then said, ‘So why is Prince William wearing black?’

Little Johnny’s Valentine Love

Little Johnny’s Valentine Love

Where there's a will there's a way!”

“Where there’s a will….there’s a way!”

Little Johnny and God

Little Johnny and God

Little Johnny, coaches, and grandmothers, Joke

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, 'Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?' The little boy nodded in the affirmative. 'Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?' The little boy nodded 'yes'. 'So,' the coach continued, 'I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?' The little boy nodded 'yes' again. He continued, 'And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach 'a dumb ass' is it?' The little boy shook his head 'NO'. 'GOOD', said the coach. 'Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother.'

Little Johnny Class Picture Joke

Little Johnny Class Picture Joke

Little Johnny the Cop and Santa Claus Joke

It's the day after Christmas and young Johnny rides his new bike up to a stop light where a policeman on his horse is waiting for the light to change.

The policeman looks over at Johnny and says, "Got that bike for Christmas, sonny?"

The youngster responds, proudly, "Ya, Santa brought it for me."

The policeman then proceeds to write the young fellow a bicycle violation ticket for not having a reflector on the back bumper and hands it to him saying, "Well, next time you better tell him to put a light on it."

Johnny looks at the citation, looks back up at the cop and says, "And did Santa bring you that horse?"

Humoring the youngster, the policeman answers, "Why, yes, he did."

To which Johnny responds, "Well, next time you better tell him to put the d**k underneath the horse, not on top." 

Why Teachers Drink - Because of Little Johnny's answers

Why Teachers Drink - Because of Little Johnny's answers

Little Johnny Joke about Church Services

Little Johnny Joke about Church Services

Why Teachers Drink - If you had a Little Johnny in your class, you would drink too!

Why Teachers Drink

Little Johnny Jokes - in school

TEACHER:
Maria, go to the map and find North America.

Maria:
Here it is.

TEACHER:
Correct. Now class, who discovered America?

Little Johnny:
Maria.

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TEACHER:
Little Johnny, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

Little JOHNNY: You told me to do it without using tables.

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TEACHER:
Johnny, how do you spell "crocodile?"

JOHNNY:
K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L

TEACHER:
No, that's wrong.

JOHNNY:
Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

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TEACHER:
LITTLE JOHNNY, what is the chemical formula for water?

LITTLE JOHNNY:
H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER:
What are you talking about?
LITTLE JOHNNY:
Yesterday you said it's H to O.
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TEACHER:LITTLE JOHNNY, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
LITTLE JOHNNY:
Me!
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TEACHER:LITTLE JOHNNY, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN:
Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER:
George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LITTLE JOHNNY:
Because George still had the axe in his hand.
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TEACHER:
Now, LITTLE JOHNNY, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
LITTLE JOHNNY:
No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER: LITTLE JOHNNY, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
LITTLE JOHNNY:
No, sir. It's the same dog.
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TEACHER:LITTLE JOHNNY, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
LITTLE JOHNNY:
A teacher.

Little Johnny read a book!

Little Johnny's kindergarten teacher was trying to teach the children to "people talk".

She asked Joey, " What did you do on the weekend?"

Joey replied, " I went to see Nana". "No." the teacher said,"You went to see your Grandma. That's people talk. Bobby, What did you do on the weekend?"

Bobby replied, " I went for a ride on the choochoo." No, you went for a ride on the train."

"Little Johnny, what did you do on the weekend?"

He replied, "I stayed home and read a book."

"That's nice, what was the name of the book?"

Little Johnny thought for a while and then said,

"Winnie the Shit!" 

*

Poor Goldfish!

Little Johnny was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. The neighbor was curious and wanted to know what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, so he politely asked,"What are you up to there, Little Johnny?" "My goldfish died," replied Little Johnny tearfully, without looking up, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned, "That's an awfully big grave for a goldfish, isn't it?" Little Johnny patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your stupid cat."

Little Johnny's Just Beautiful

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word “beautiful” in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, “My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.” “Very good, Suzie,” replied the teacher.

She then called on little Michael. “My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully,” he said. “Excellent, Michael!”

Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny. “Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, ‘Beautiful, just f....ing beautiful!

LITTLE JOHNNY: AXE AND YOU SHALL RECEIVE

Little Johnny's teacher asks, "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Do any of you know why his father didn't punish him?"

Little Johnny replies, "Because George was the one holding the axe?

LITTLE JOHNNY AND WORMS

Little Johnny's  Chemistry teacher wanted to teach his class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he set up an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.

"Now, class. Observe what happens to the two the worms," said the professor putting the first worm in the glass of water. The worm in the water moved about, twisting and seemingly unharmed.

He then dropped the second work in the whiskey glass. It writhed in pain for a moment, then quickly sank to the bottom and died. "Now kids, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" he asked.

Little Johnny raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"

LITTLE JOHNNY AND PROPER GRAMMAR

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked the class for a  show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on Little Lisa, who responded with, "My father  bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Lisa," replied the teacher. She then called on Little  Tommy.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.

"Excellent, Michael!"

Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny...

Last night, during supper, my sister told my father that she was  pregnant, and he said, Beautiful, just f*%@# beautiful!"